You don’t have to be pregnant to use this

You don’t have to be pregnant to use this

A little story… Years ago, in the audience sat mom, step-dad and brother. In the spotlight was 9-year old ballet-dancing daughter performing a snowflake-ish waltz with about seven fellow twirling and prancing bodies. They weren’t on a stage per se, but in a staged area in one of the large rooms at Cheri’s dance studio in the Dallas/Ft Worth area.

Things were going great. The confident smile plastered across my daughter’s face gave proof through the routine that her skill was all there (oops, a little “star-spangled” tangent). The other dancers kept eyeing her for their next move as though she was the “ballerina quarterback.”

The audience noticed what was happening, as a few parents next to us nudged us and giggled at the sight of their daughters mimicking my daughter. I couldn’t laugh or comment too much with them as I steadied the camcorder in front of my face.

My daughter wasn’t aware that she was the center of their attention as she focused on the audience the whole time. I quickly surmised that her skill or knowledge of the routine had little to do with it all. Instead, it was her confidence that gave those other little dancers their confidence to keep going. It was funny and flattering all at the same time.

Who knew, though, that it was about to get funnier? To this day, her brother loves to mock and tease her about what happened next. I’m sure today my daughter can take the ribbing, but that day? Oh, she couldn’t take it then.

In fact, she literally couldn’t take it! Midway through the routine (at least I think it was midway), she missed a step and then forgot which way to turn so she hesitated for a moment; then like a trooper kept going. It happened again. For the first time, she noticed that the other dancers were following her lead. She noticed because when she faltered, they faltered. When she stammered in her step; they stammered in their step.

The pressure became too much–after all, she didn’t sign up to be their leader. Her second wrong turn sent little bodies tilting and wobbling and my daughter’s smile started fading. Soon, the smile was completely replaced by a tightly closed mouth with a poked out bottom lip accompanied by a huge frown! “Uh oh,” I said, still rolling the camera.

All of a sudden, my daughter stopped entirely; folded her arms across her chest in total disgust at herself; turned on her heels; and stomped out of the room! LOL!

As though that wasn’t bad enough…

What happened to the little girls following their “quarterback?” Well, some tried to keep dancing. Some stood still. All looked totally confused. After all, stomping off wasn’t in the routine. Within seconds, they ALL ran out of the room as well. O-M-G! The parents busted out laughing, as dance instructor, Cheri, squeezed through the audience and ran out the door after them! I’m still laughing 14 years later just thinking about it.

Most, if not all of us, have been knee-deep in a project, job or heaven forbid a relationship where we realized we needed to retreat, pull out, stomp out of the room. Perhaps nothing’s wrong or it’s no one’s fault; it’s just not the right time for the project. Sometimes–as in the case of my 9-yr old–you find it’s just too soon to be the leader. The reasons why are numerous. Why is not the big issue, though; what is.

What can we do when running out the room is NOT an option?

One option that came to my mind was breathing. Proper breathing is one of the most important and easiest ways to bring your body back to its perfect nature. I remember 23  years ago learning to breath through stress with Lamaze techniques. I don’t know about nowadays, but just about anyone who had babies back in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s like me, went through Lamaze classes–both moms-to-be AND dads-to-be.

I didn’t realize it then but it’s clear to me now how those techniques apply to so much more in life than just giving birth to a baby. Here’s what I mean:

  • Relaxation, patterned (heehee woohwooh) and deep breaths, as well as confidence-building helps to simplify things and create a safe and healthy environment to birth (bring forth) your baby (project).
  • As contractions (life’s challenges) get stronger, your body releases endorphins, which are nature’s narcotic to help you ease through the pain (the process) and cope with the stress.
  • Maintain a visual focus on a special object (goals) or image (dreams) to aid your conscious breathing (your journey).
  • At some point in labor, you’ll “find your rhythm” or “get in a groove,” much like a marathon runner does (to complete your race without giving up).
  • You’ll be doing exactly what you need to do. Even though you won’t look comfortable (that’s an understatement!), you won’t need to be rescued or disturbed. A healthy dose of encouragement and support is all you’ll need from your support team.

Now, that’s some useful information, wouldn’t you agree?

Remember, when you feel like running out on life, take a couple deep breaths, find your rhythm and take the stage again! (heehee woohwooh)

Writefully yours,

T’Eileen

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The Great Urge

The Great Urge

In the first moments of that first day of 6th grade, my son reminded me that I promised him he could start playing football in the city league when he reached that grade. Secretly,  I’d hoped he had forgotten about that promise since he was still so small. Nonetheless, I kept my word. Since football is my favorite spectator sport, I suppose I looked forward to that day myself where I got to see him play–just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.

Over the years, his dedication to football grew impressively stronger. He never missed a summer football camp until his summer spent in Italy just prior to his senior year. He never missed practice and certainly never missed a game. Family reunions and other major functions even took place without him if they occurred during this practice or game time.

In 2009, his junior year of high school, my son made Varsity. His school had a horrible season that year, which led them to finally fire the coach once the season ended. That was also the rainiest and coldest fall I ever remembered in my 16 years in Chicago. I doubt we even enjoyed two Friday night games without being bundled up with winter coats, hats, gloves and umbrellas! To be rainy is one thing. To be cold is one thing. To be rainy AND cold made for some brutal game watching—especially when losing every game! It was grueling enough for the players, but for us committed parents on those cold metal bleachers…

From the stands that season, I watched my son revved up, charged up, bouncing up and down, clapping his $45 wide receiver-gloved hands throughout the night in encouragement to his teammates. I watched him Varsity game after Varsity game doing all that on the sideline only.

That coach’s rule was that those Varsity players who did not get to play on Friday nights got to strut their stuff Saturday mornings at the Junior Varsity games. So, my son got playing time on Saturday, but to him I’m sure it wasn’t the same. He had to feel discouraged every Friday watching the clock run down without contributing a minute of playing time. Yet, he got out there Saturday morning without a bad attitude and racked up great playing time. It angered me that the Saturday game talent never got scouted for Friday nights’ games; yet, there I sat every cold Saturday morning as well; a repeat weather pattern.

During the last Friday night game of that dismal season, the mother of one of our star players was succumbing to the unbearably cold, wet chill by retreating to the Wal-Mart across the street from that home team’s stadium to get warm. While stepping down the bleachers, she turned to me and said, “You’re a good one, to sit out here game after game in this weather and the coach won’t even put your son in.” All I could do was smile at her, as my heart went out to my son for his unceasing dedication. He never gave up hope that he may be put in any minute.

That next morning, our Saturday Junior Varsity team was down by two touchdowns in the final minutes of the fourth quarter. The coach put my son in. Our team had the ball on their own 40-yard line. The ball is hiked. The pass spirals from the quarterback’s hand. It soars high and long. There’s my son, darting down the field outrunning the corner. He turns to eye the ball on the opponent’s 30-yard line. Seconds later, he catches the ball; tucks it in; and sprints straight into the end zone, untouched, having outrun several opponents along the way! Yea, Son! Yea, Junior Varsity Coach for trusting him with that play! Boo, Varsity Head coach for never utilizing that talent on Friday nights.

Why did I take such great EFFORT to attend ALL of my son’s games? (I only missed 2 games in 6 years.) Because every single game mattered to him; therefore, they mattered to me.  He suited up every game with the same excitement, vigor and expectation. During pre-game warm-ups he hustled through every rep, preparing to play hard. While on the sideline, he didn’t goof off. In fact, he made it a habit to stay near the coach the entire game. As the coach paced the sidelines, there my son was pacing behind him, as though any minute the coach would motion for him to go in.

In all his years of football—seasons where he started, or like 2009 where the coach terribly overlooked him every single game—he never once SAT on the bench while left on the sidelines. Whether he did it intentionally, or unconsciously, he stood during every single game for six years (I’m not exaggerating). My son‘s approach to football inspired me in a way that he’ll never know (unless he reads this).

In 2010, his senior year, a brand new coach with the right skills and spirit gave my son’s team new hope and took them all the way from a 1-8 season to the second or third game of the championship level! That coach gave them a motto to live by: G.U.T.S. It means: Great Urge To Succeed. And succeed they did.

My takeaway: You may never ever get called in to make the big plays in life, but your spectators should never know it by your attitude on the sideline. As Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. taught, even if a person is a street cleaner, they should strive to be the best street cleaner on this earth.

Today, if you feel like you’re hopelessly stuck on the “sidelines of life,” simply set out to be the most excited, focused, revved up side-liner in the history of the game of life. Then, in no time at all, you may find yourself catapulted off that sideline and into a higher, favorable place. After all, your attitude does determine your altitude!

Go get some G.U.T.S. today! “And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.” Galatians 6:9

Writefully yours,

Terri (T’Eileen)

New Nest, New Mindset

New Nest, New Mindset

During the Thanksgiving holiday 2011, I began reflecting on my new parental role as an Empty Nester. Now that my daughter is a junior in college and my son is a freshman in college, I am thankful for a whole new world of things.

First of all, I—a beautiful, fun-loving, witty, very intelligent, overly passionate and level-headed but spontaneous single woman—am thankful that I can now write that many adjectives about myself without feeling embarrassed. After two failed marriages—which I refer to as my two successful tours of duty—and 21 years of being the biggest promoter, most dedicated campaign manager and foremost cheerleader my two children have ever retained, I sometimes forgot who I was.

I’m not blaming anyone but myself for that and I’m not really sure “blame” is even the right term. It was just a state of being; a temporary one thank goodness. What’s important now is that I have ME, and I have two wonderful young adult children, who are NOT perfect by any stretch of the imagination; however, they ARE perfect for me. I truly value that.

For instance, I value the fact that my children have been A/B students all their lives (except for a couple of grade-challenged semesters). I value their high academic accolades in college. I value their involvement with music and the arts since elementary school and the fact that they’ve voluntarily continued it into college. I value the fact that they have not spent one day in the principal’s office for any negative behavior in school, or one day in a detention center or jail for any negative behavior outside of school. I value the fact that they maintain their own prayer life, tithe on their earnings without being told and even at times attend church services (in person or video streaming) without my urging.

So, yes, once I saw my children as being perfect for me—perfect for what I was called in life to do—I then discovered how to incorporate that mindset into the child-rearing equation. That instilled in them the desire to create high value in their own adult lives by their own efforts. It drives them to stretch beyond average and shoot for the moon because they realize in doing so, even if they fall, they will land among the stars.

Finally, I am thankful that I can now dive fully into the writing career I absolutely love. Doing so will not only help swallow up the gap left in my new “kids-free” schedule, but it will give me an opportunity to offer a few words of encouragement for fellow Empty Nesters or those soon approaching. Stay tuned right here for my regular blog entitled: My Empty NEST: a Never Ending State of Thanksgiving.

I look forward to your comments!

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